Despite the reality that pre-nups are on the rise, few of us stand at the altar promising to love, honor and cherish one another while simultaneously planning our divorce. We all want marriages that last a lifetime; marriages that meet our emotional and sexual needs; marriages that foster connectivity, creativity and a sense of shared mission.
Are we expecting too much? Are we setting ourselves up to fail? Maybe, but the bigger issue is that none of us have any idea what marriage will demand of us. Once that gold band slides down our ring finger, we have bound ourselves to a limited human being who will never be able to completely satisfy all of our dreams and expectations.
Make no mistake—despite your best efforts and overall wonderfulness, you will occasionally hurt and disappoint each other. Yet if my 20 plus years of marriage and pastoring have taught me anything, it’s that vibrant, satisfying marriages are absolutely possible—under one condition.
In the months leading up to the wedding, we are typically so intoxicated by love hormones and so distracted by choosing a DJ, wedding garb and appetizers for the reception, that we fail to realize one important detail: If we actually want to fulfill our vows 365 days a year, we must also promise to change.
Whether or not we’ve given it much thought, the concept of change, or malleability, has been inextricably woven into the fabric of American life. The idea of becoming bigger, better, faster; of maximizing potential; of upward mobility all presuppose that we can become different people through sheer willpower and/or intelligence.
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