We’re only halfway through 2020 but already, this has been the most traumatic year in the 21st century. The disruption and deaths from COVID-19, the economic downturn and spiking unemployment, and the surge in racialized violence have shaken and destabilized the entire country. These incidents have the potential to impact every facet of life, particularly our intimate relationships. By tuning in to how the current events might be affecting our spouse and learning how to meaningfully support each other, we can work toward creating a stronger and healthier marriage despite this season’s obvious hardships
Defining Trauma
Trauma can be defined as “the response to a deeply distressing or disturbing event that overwhelms an individual’s ability to cope, causes feelings of helplessness, diminishes a sense of self and an ability to feel the full range of emotions.”
We often think of trauma as a specific event or series of events but trauma is really more about how specific experiences affect us. Our response to a disturbing event depends on many factors, including how old we are when the event happens, how many times we have been exposed to trauma, how those closest to us responded (e.g., did they minimize or appropriately intervene?), and our unique personalities (those who are more sensitive tend to be more deeply impacted).
Because traumatic events are so disturbing and don’t make sense, the memory is stored in a way that’s difficult to access. As a result, it fails to become integrated in normal life but continues to adversely affect us. This is part of why events of a similar nature can trigger our memories and cause unusual or out-of-character responses.
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